Stormy Weather Forum

What's going on outside SWEDA, for members who've since departed?

For the past two years I have made every effort to take music that I love and cross-pollinate its parts (the notes) with other mediums of creative/intuitive expression, such as color and tarot.

Example:






The unfortunate reality is that all of this mind work can only lead to more mental models. The spirit of that music either remains unchanged or actually disappears as the result of this kind of work.



It's just like experiencing an inner flowering and then delivering a flower to the loved one. I have been attempting to draw the inner experience of lovely music into a coarse map, attempting to communicate to others what I was feeling internally.

Now I get to deal with all the repercussions of pulling out of a business contract. There's a lot of hostility flowing toward me.

Surely it is better to get out now, while I still can, than to continue feeding what I know to be untrue. This reminds me of what Jason mentioned in the talk with JDR. False Awakening. It has been a three year process and it seems to be coming to an end. It feels very uncomfortable - I don't know what to "do" now. At least I have the opportunity to undo what does not work. That is a start.

I moved this to a new thread.

It's good you're getting out while you still can, Ez.


I feel like I'm finally integrating everything I've learned at SWEDA. I've met someone struggling with things I've struggled with in my past and I actually realized last night how much talking to her is helping me to integrate.

While helping her I realized I'm having these sensations around my heart. This morning while I was studying the heart chakra I realized I have a "popped sternum" from closing off. As I was studying pictures I also realized the heart chakra extended to the collar bone. The other day, I woke up with this really obvious skinned area on my collar bone. I'm really unsure how it happened.

One other thing, my dream life has become really wake like. I haven't done this since I was a child but over a series of three nights I woke myself up twice talking to someone.

Same here - My dreams used to be a dissolving into blackness, followed by a series of vague impressions, and then awakening. For the past few weeks, I would liken the experience more to something like stepping into a house. I can't escape into my dreams any more. When I sleep, I face whatever is happening on the inside.

I like what Jason wrote recently at the other thread:



That's a really powerful statement - connects to what you wrote about your heart chakra opening.

Tonight I reached closure with all of my partners with TCA. It is officially over...

One last thing, an excerpt from Foucault's Pendulum:



Knights Templar forbid communication with excommunicated knights - I am grateful that Jason has allowed this little space to process my last days on the internet before the big Disconnection from computerland.

My sister used to talk in her sleep...alot. I don't know if she still does it (she will be 53 in November), but when she was a kid, and even your age, she would have whole converstions in her sleep loud enough to wake me up.

Same here, I could wake up everyone in the house. It was mostly night terrors and occasionally some kind of childhood fantasies. Lately, it has just been mundane conversations with people I don't recognize.

Becoming conversant with parts of yourself that are unfamiliar to you?

I think that's right. The last dream I had, I woke up feeling like I shouldn't have said anything at all in the dream. Not only because it woke me up but it was forced oppose to just being.

I have done stuff like that in dreams, too. And when I woke up, I was like, "well, shit" because its just like you say...forced as opposed to just being, like I was being willful in my dream and not allowing those parts to speak.

I noticed this morning that I have a very poor memory- I put my keys in a convenient pocket on my bag last night and still spent an hour searching through the house this morning- when I found my bag it was like they had been put there by someone else- I frequently can't remember what I've done with things and what I've said to people, what clothes I wore the day before, what I did yesterday etc.

As a result of my key hiding, I missed an important meeting at the job centre, which now means I have 'missed a week' officially. After explaining to the woman on the phone that I couldn't come in later today as I was due in Edinburgh and wouldn't be back till Monday.

At 11am ish my brother and I set out to play a gig in Edinburgh, as soon as we got on the motorway the traffic was a standstill, we sat/crept for 4 hours while a guy 'contemplated suicide' further down the road. The M6 (a main motorway in England) was closed so after sitting for 4 hours, talking to other motorists who were trying to keep themselves sane and even going for walks from the cars- a butch lesbian couple were 'making out' in one car. At about 3pm they finally enabled cars to leave the motorway and we came home again.

So effectively I lost a weeks benefits for nothing. Typically, I tried to ring the job centre to plead for my weeks money, or at least spin a yarn about being stuck on the M6 and in the spirit of the day they had closed 'not long ago'.

Serves me right for not heeding today's horoscope:



My ordeal with mercury fillings is coming to the surface more and more as I can equate the time I switched off as a similar time to my first filling- and with the final nail in the coffin of my youthful imagination at 22, with a mercury root canal treatment (deeper filling). It feels like I was a complete mental cripple all those years pretty much- as to whether I am more sensitive to mercury than most I don't know, I am sensitive to dairy & gluten too (personally I think everyone is).

I have been finding VB podcast useful, looking forward to possible new season of WT- Got a great gift from Pukey, very exited about part 2 . A couple of acquaintences have been asking me for guidance/advice, even consultation in matters of new paradigm about which I'm not sure what to do- other than point them this way of course which I already have done.

I find the idea of being village shaman exiting and romantic I realise this would be my tendancy as an over sensitive pisces so I need to ensure me path is real ie. not an intellectual decision; and the more awareness I get the more I see the walls closing in on my inner psychopath.